Extreme Measures

So many of us feel this way . . . 

by 1Wise-Woman

Can you see me

Breaking chains

Mend your own fence

I’m busy building walls

With secret doors and secret codes

Fending off facetious followers

Who plague my peaceable Queendom

The time for niceties is done and over

Worrying what I give you and you take from me

Fearing rejection and reckless promises

No more fabricated fanciful freeloaders

Make-up and masks

Burn in the flames of your malevolence

New laws have been written

To protect the real and resplendent

I run with my own broken pack.

feeling in extremes
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Juggling Depression And Compliments – A Guest Post By Mindfump


(Image I added, hope you don’t mind, Mindfump)

We have minds which are inherently negative, we like to complain and we like to mope about all the bad stuff in the world, as opposed to the good. My only evidence for that is in fact that previous sentence, which is inherently negative. Like some inception based literary negativity. Logically speaking though there are some very good reasons to have a negative disposition, especially when confronted with the uninvited obtrusion that is the compliment.

The compliment presents a conundrum. Like an alien descending to earth, why are they here? What do they want? Are they going to eviscerate me? All valid questions. The compliment disrupts the order of things, especially in the mind of a depressed person. They have a negative outlook, often surrounded by negative imagery of oneself and this intrusive compliment messes up this nice dark world of negativity.

Even for the non-depressed a compliment is met with suspicion. This is for a good reason. There is more to gain from a compliment, the giver of a compliment could be trying to curry favour, or trying to manipulate you in other ways. Like that weird shield around the alien ship in Independence Day, the compliment just bounces off, it rarely reaches the soul.

Criticisms on the other hand penetrate easily, like that guy who flies up the beam at the end (spoiler). The criticism will head straight for the core, and hit hard. This is also a logical conclusion. This is because there is nothing to gain for the person saying it, or so you think. The list of reasons someone would give you a compliment is extremely long, the list of reasons someone would give you a criticism is a short list with ’it is probably true’ on it.

We are programmed to want to be right, and if you are depressed your thoughts are usually that you are not good enough or not attractive enough, or intelligent enough. When someone criticises us it validates us, ‘see I was right!’. When the alien comes along in the form of a compliment, it goes against what we think. We were wrong? That is not right, I don’t believe that.

So how do we get these compliments to penetrate the shield of negativity?

Well, we need to narrow the list of alternative reasons for getting the compliment – obviously. We need to narrow it down to a point where there is only ‘because it is probably true’ left. That is difficult though.

When I worked for an insurance company, they had a campus style setting. Everyone was based in this one area, and we had access to sports facilities, food, games, and obviously work. In one of the restaurants I used to see this man sit alone every day, and after a couple of weeks I went over and just sat next to him. We chatted for a good while about not a lot, and then just as I was about to leave he said that it was good chatting, and that it was lonely at the top. Turns out he was the CEO of the company.

After talking to him more, I realised that people only ever said superficial good things to him, or nothing at all. Their career depended on it – or so they thought. Clearly I did not think this as I was telling him things like; how I’d cut off a customer once to ask out a girl in the office or how it is better to call in sick than be late.

For him, the list of reasons he would get a compliment are huge. That is the same as someone suffering from depression or anxiety. The list is huge, because their even more prone to the negative. Typically though they’re not CEOs of multi-million pound companies. Although I have very limited research to back that up, and by very limited I mean zero.

For the perfect compliment then we need to narrow that list, we need to get it from a trustworthy source and it needs to be in a situation which is not only a benefit to the sayer. Love is typically the answer, if it comes from a place of love that usually reduces the list of reasons enough to be believable. So now that I have figured out the formula, all I have to say is ‘I love you, always be yourself, you are fabulous’.


My comment: Mindfump, do you ever write anything that isn’t awesome? Now, you’re suspicious, huh? Hey, it goes with being bipolar, and especially being borderline personality. I would imagine that those of us who read your messages are struck by the same thoughts. Apparently those who commented certainly understand, as do I. So, let’s just come together and try to trust each other. It’s really hard, but there are some of us who don’t have manipulative thoughts but just want to make someone else truly feel good, since most of the time we don’t feel good about ourselves. Anyway, I loved your thoughts. Gotta run over and reblog them on my blogs. Other people will surely relate and you will help many people feel better today in knowing they aren’t alone. livingontheborderlineinbipolarville.wordpress.com  Oh, I guess I should add, I’m not trying to get something out of you by complimenting you, but I will pass on your wise words, if that’s ok. I forgot to ask your permission. But if you’re like me, you hope there is some part of you that is helping the rest of the world!

Come visit all our sites

Living on the Borderline in Bipolarville  This site deals with sharing our unique paths through mental illness. I just started this site, so it’s a work in progress. I’m very excited about people contacting me already with an interest in these subjects. So come on over! We’ll sort these things out together. (Note: Back in the early 2000’s I was an assistant manager for a 1200 member bipolar disorder website. I’ve dealt with a lot of different people, so hopefully that will comfort you some. lol)

sharinHislove I created this site in an effort to share with people who need a little extra love and encouragement. We all need that, huh? Started in 2006, this site has reached many people around the world from really unexpected places. Over 270,000 visits confirms that the encouragement and inspiration that we generate and share really is helping. We hope you will join and share your thoughts with us.

If we the people We realized that there is a need to have resources at your fingertips that help us all get more involved in positive activism. We’re always working to make this site better and hope to throw in some real life stories, our concerns and ideas to make our country and our lives less frustrating and scary.

I have branched out into a few other areas other than If we the people. I think there are a lot of people who have a variety of interests. Hopefully, we have something for everyone to participate in. All of our sites depend on my acceptance of all comments. If I perceive anything that would hurt others, I will not approve it. So you are safe in posting. If you need an email subscription, just click on the contact button at the top of this site and let me know what you need.

So just click on any of the sites, come over and visit us. Join one, or all, of the sites, and let us know about your site or blog.

The Wildlife Art of Sharon Rule Well, this is just my fun little site that mostly just has my oil paintings that I do to support my daughter’s African Wildlife Sanctuaries that provide education for the children of the wildlife workers. I’m not such a great artist, but my heart is in the right place, lol.

Prophecy Unfolding This may not be interesting to many people, but it is especially interesting to me since I’ve been searching this topic since I was  12 years old. Hey, it may not be terribly exciting, but it certainly relates to what’s going on in our world today.

You will survive!

survive flower pavement

Alexandra’s post about Show & Tell

Another great newsletter from one of my favs, Alexandra. Enjoy! I sure did!

When I was a little kid, my 2nd grade teacher always did “Show & Tell Day” once a week.
One by one, each student would walk up to the front of the room, show something to the class, and talk about it for a minute or two. It could be anything you wanted. “This is my favorite rock from my rock collection…” “This is my project for the science fair…” “Hi, I made this drawing of a horse…”
Show & Tell always brought me a mixture of excitement and dread. I loved seeing all the interesting projects. But my stomach churned when it was my turn. I always worried that my project wouldn’t be “cool enough.” I worried that I’d bore people. Who cares about my dumb drawing of a horse?! Certainly not Crystal Johnson! Her project is way cooler AND it has multi-colored glitter AND a baking soda-vinegar volcano that erupts in front of your eyes!!! Why didn’t I think of that?!!
I think we all have a nervous, slightly-awkward 2nd grader inside our hearts. We all have that little voice that says, “My project isn’t that great…” “My career isn’t that impressive…” “Nobody cares what I have to say.” “My horse drawing is stupid. Other people can draw horses way better!” 
Even today, I hear that voice all the time. Every time I’m getting ready to share something new, that voice chimes in—and suddenly I’m 8 years old with a mouth full of braces, tons of missing teeth, asthmatic wheezing, huge glasses, and trembling knees, trying to muster up the courage to show people my horse.
In those moments, I talk to myself with lots of kindness—almost like I’m talking to a little kid. I say to myself, “You know what? My horse is awesome.”
I made it. I like it. I’m proud of it. I’m going to share it. People will like it—or they won’t! That’s not something I can control. But I’m going to share it because… that’s what you do when you create something from the heart. You take a deep breath, you stand up, and you share it.
. . .
Guess what? It’s Show & Tell Day!
I wanted to share a few recent projects—plus some amazing projects that my clients have completed, too. And there’s a fun invitation for YOU at the end. 
It’s official! The contracts have been signed. My next book—YOU’RE GOING TO SURVIVE—will be released by Mango Publishing in Fall 2017. (The manuscript is due in just a few weeks. Eee!)
I hope this book inspires people to face criticism, rejection, and other disappointing experiences with courage. Even if you get a 1-star Yelp review… even if you get fired from your dream job… even if you get bullied and ridiculed online… Your heart will keep beating. You can find the strength to keep going. You will survive. Don’t give up on yourself, and don’t give up on your work. Keep marching.
“If I pour tons of time and energy into writing this book, then… what do I get in return?” The answer is: Nobody knows for sure. Making art is not a bank transaction. Results are not guaranteed. That’s part of the magic—and part of the challenge. Here’s an article I wrote for anybody who feels like pursuing a creative project is “too big of a risk” or “just not worth it.”
Here’s my latest music playlist, featuring music from Columbia to Belgium and beyond. Lots of Latin pop plus tribal and house beats. I crank up this playlist whenever I want to feel awake, wide-eyed, and re-invigorated. Perfect for that mid-afternoon slump when my brain starts to feel a bit soggy. A little Shakira always fixes everything. 
A few weeks ago, I taught a free class on “How to stop procrastinating and start writing.” If you missed the class, if you only saw part of it, if you had any tech issues with the video, or anything like that… here’s the entire recording! I did this class in collaboration with my longtime friend and client Susan Hyatt, and it was such a beautiful experience. I hope it brings you some fresh ideas and inspiration!
I still love drawing horses—and unicorns, mermaids, and porcupines—even though I’m a grown-up now. Here are some silly coloring sheets I made. You can download them, print them out, and then color ’em in. Get your Crayons and channel your inner 8-year-old! Enjoy!
As you may—or may not—know, in addition to writing my own articles, books, and other things, I also work as a ghostwriter and writing coach / consultant.
My clients have been on FIRE lately! I want to shine a spotlight on some of their work…
Ellen started The Career Forecast, an astrological forecast focused on your career. Super fascinating.
Liz has been writing up a storm, tackling important social topics like… why strong women are often labeled “difficult,” and why that’s got to stop.
Melissa’s first movie airs on the Lifetime Network this weekend. Tons of people told her, “You’ll never make it as a screenwriter in LA. It’s such a tough business.” Melissa decided to ignore everyone’s warnings and just GO FOR IT. Full-hearted effort. All in.
Kelsey is running a new program for people who want to feel happier at work—but without necessarily quitting your job and uprooting your whole life.
Amy’s veggie-based pizza crust company won an award and sales have been blowin’ up! (I’m helping Amy write a book on food, creating healthier habits, and taking good care of yourself even when you’re super busy. I’ll share the book with you when it’s ready. It’s going to be lovely.)
Susan got a terrific literary agent and her book proposal is being reviewed by numerous publishers this week. She’s also celebrating her 10-year business anniversary with a tea party in NYC next week. (I’ll be there!)
Susan also does 1-on-1 business strategy sessions for people who want to take their work to an entirely new level. She’s incredibly motivating, smart, and makes you believe that you can do anything. Oh, and if you want to schedule a 1-on-1 session with Susan AND me (business coaching AND writing coaching—double-trouble!), send a note to support@shyatt.com and ask for more info on that.
– YOU!
What about you? Do you have something you’d like to “Show & Tell” and talk about publicly?
Maybe an article, book, video, podcast, song, painting, product, activism project, workshop, or… something else you’ve created? Hit REPLY to this email and tell me about it. Please include your name, a link to your project, and a brief description of what it is, and why you’re so excited about it.
I will choose a handful of projects and… my next email will be a “Community Show & Tell” filled with YOUR projects. This will be so fun!
Whether it’s online or offline in your daily life… please don’t be afraid to share your work. Don’t hide in the back row. Stand up. Speak up. Let people know what you’ve been writing, researching, and working on. People will (probably) be much more interested and excited than you think. And your bravery will inspire other people to be braver, too.
You never know how your horse drawing, blog post, or story might impact someone else’s life.
The impact might be bigger than you could ever imagine.


PS. I almost forgot, but today is my 7 year entrepreneur-iversary! 7 years of being a self-employed writer. If you dream about being your own boss, your dream is doable. Be devoted, work hard, and follow your “hut” (heart + gut) as often as possible. Also, here’s a “business advice” article that I wrote called: 10 slow and difficult steps to moderate success. Haha! Enjoy.